I always have been creative, as far as I remember. I never stopped drawing or doodling. That was my favourite pass time when I was a child, since I don't remember to be distracted by too many friends there was always plenty of time for me to do art. The more I think about it the more it makes sense that creating was for me a way to cope with emotions and anxiety.
When I was younger I remember many random people asking why do I look so sad? Was I sad? Not sure. I used to say: it's just how my face looks like. Then I looked at my reflection in the mirror and could not see the sadness but maybe started to believe it was there.
The first signs of depression began in adolescence when the veil of childhood innocence fell off and I noticed that the world has lost all of its colours and everything has turned grey. The pain was there at the back of my thought hanging like a rock on a string.
My dad gave me my first oil paints on my 13th birthday and this was the point in time when I realised that I can make the world looking better and happier on my canvas then it was in reality. It was such a relief to have that power which helped me to keep my sadness at bay.
I also decided to study art on my own, visiting museums and art galleries as well as buying second-hand books about painters. My favourite artists were the ones who used brighter colours like Vincent van Gogh, Paul Gauguin, Gustav Klimt, Henri de Toulous-Latrec, Egon Shiele and lots of Polish painters like Stanislaw Wyspianski, Stanislaw Ignacy Witkiewicz, Jerzy Duda-Gracz, Zbyslaw Marek Maciejewski.
Once I discovered the world of art it became my Prozac, creating was my therapy and life wasn't so sad any more. I still get relapses of depression but I know there is a cure and as long there are means to create I will be fine.
